Yesterday was lousy. Seriously... it was just dumb. On Monday, Brandon and I were able to sneak a super quick and super last minute trip to Texarkana so that Ty could meet his Great-Grandparents on Brandon's side for the first time (more on that later) and while the trip was absolutely wonderful, Brandon and I ended up having to drive home to Baton Rouge super late on Tuesday night.
When we arrived home at 3 a.m., I knew that our schedule would be off. I mean, Ty and I are usually in bed by 9 p.m. and waking up for his midnight feeding at 3 a.m. Certainly NOT going to bed at 3 a.m.... I only hoped that Ty would be a sweetheart and sleep in a bit more the next morning.
Wishful thinking.
Ty was awake at 6 a.m. And not only was he awake but he was screaming bloody murder. My first thought (and judging by the type of crying he was doing) was that he was hungry. So I tried to feed him and the poor baby refused to latch on. At the time I wasn't that concerned... I just figured he was gassy or not hungry and just wanted to get out of bed and start the day. But when the crying didn't stop for another 2 hours and Ty still refused to breastfeed, I began to get very worried. Finally, I attempted to pump and put the milk in a bottle to see if Ty would eat that way and sure enough... the kid drank like he had never eaten before in his life (I blame it on the lack of sleep and not being able to focus between the screams as to why I didn't think of this sooner).
Turns out, after talking to my lactation nurse... Ty is on a "nursing strike". Never heard of it before? Neither had I. Apparently it can occur when there has been a disruption in your baby's schedule, you've slept in bed or a home that is not your own, or you've used a different soap or shampoo that could change your scent (even showering in a "harder" water can affect your scent). And yes, in the past 48 hours, we've done all of the above. My LN informed me it could last between 2-4 days and not to get frustrated but let's be serious... it is definitely frustrating when out of nowhere your baby refuses you. And even a little heartbreaking.
So there was that.
Then when Ty was fed and content he was ready to play. Problem is, there are only so many ways to play with a 3 month old (and I'm jumping the gun here because Ty will actually be 3 months next week). We played on our playmat. We did tummy-time. We read, like, 7 books. We played patty-cake. We practiced standing and walking. We sang and talked and walked around outside. But with every new activity his attention span would only last a few minutes and then he would start fussing again. (I'm not even mentioning the FOUR outfit changes Ty had to do due to excessive amounts of spit-up, pee, and a spectacular blow-out that deserved bragging rights).
I think at one point I even said, "Mommy loves you but your demanding cries are annoying her right now..."
It was at that moment that I became the most frustrated with myself. And the fact that I'm not a perfect mom. Ty is going to have bad days and I am going to have bad days. I will certainly not always be at my Mary Poppins best, try as hard as I may. And even though I know this... I still get so disappointed in myself when I let these days get the best of me.
When Brandon woke up, he took over and let me go outside to sit on the swing and drink a cup of coffee. He suggested we get out the house. I suggested we drop Ty off at my parents' and go car shopping for a few hours. And so we did. And it was kinda just what I needed.
On the way from my parents' later that evening I remembered how incredibly lucky I am. This high-maintenance little boy is mine. He is so beautiful. I'm his mommy. And I really am so grateful for every, single moment I get with him... whiny or not. And that husband of mine? He's amazing. Brandon really comes through when I begin to struggle and he works so dang hard to provide for us and let me stay at home with our little guy. Not many mommy's get this option. And he always comes home after a long, exhausting shift at work and offers to take over for me so that I can get some "Katie" time. Brandon's work schedule is grueling and he is such a wonderful partner and deserves all the Now-and-Later's that a guy can handle.
And then there was this morning. Ty and I slept in til 8 and we both woke up in such great moods that I realized that every day I am going to get to renew myself to this whole "mom" thing and I am just so lucky that I get to do it and maybe one day I'll get it right.
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