birth plan.

Today I had the fun of going to the doctor to check on baby. Again. I'm not sure why I find it annoying to have so many doctor's appointments. I understand that the health and well-being of Baby S is of the upmost importance but I think going to the doctor 1-2 times a month is a bit of overkill. But nevertheless, they said you're supposed to do it and so I do it. 

After my appointment today, I met with a nurse to discuss making a "birth plan". My midwife recommends doing this for all of her patients but especially those who wish to have a natural birth (like myself). I think she realized she was going to have to walk me through the process when she asked if I had come up with one yet. The convo went a little like this:

Midwife: "So, Katie, have you begun working on your birth plan?"
Me: "Birth plan?" (and a face of bewilderment.)
Midwife: "Yes. Your plan for when you have the baby."
Me: "Well sure... my 'plan' is to give birth..." (said like, "umm.. duh.")

Apparently though... giving birth is on every woman's "birth plan". And here I was thinking I was the only one who had it all figured out. 

After meeting with the nurse, though, I got to tell ya... some women are nuts. 

Here are some of the examples of what some women put in their birth plans and my reaction to them. 

- No one allowed in room except for husband, nurse, and doctor. Ever. Now this I might understand for when you actually begin to push... or if you're super modest (which I am not)... But to exclude your entire family and friends who come to be there for you on one of the happiest days of your life by shutting them out into the waiting room... sounds kind of selfish to me. Personally, I'm one of those, "the more the merrier" people and I'm always one to appreciate additional support. 

- Please do not bathe the baby once it is delivered. What the hell? Now that's just gross. I fully anticipate being so overwhelmed with love once our son is delivered that I may just want to be like a lioness and lick my little cub clean... but that doesn't mean I will. If I did, Brandon would likely barf on me. 

- Do not remove umbilical cord until it has stopped pulsating. Okay... so when I heard of this, I thought that maybe I had missed out on some hidden medical miracle and that I should consider doing this too... until I read that there are no scientifically backed benefits of doing this and that the umbilical cord could pulsate for up to half an hour after the baby is born. "Come on in guys! Come see our baby! And don't mind the umbilical cord and placenta still attached to his belly button..." Again... gross. 

- Please keep voices to a whisper while in delivery room. In a perfect universe, I would like this, too. But I'm loud. And Brandon's loud. And I don't think either side of our extended family knows how to "whisper". So instead of thinking this is a good idea, I instead find it hysterical. And a little O.C.D. 

- Please do not allow anyone to touch the baby except the mother and father. I mean... get a hold of yourself.... 

I apologize if any of these things were on/are on your birth plan. This is obviously all of my personal opinion. 

My birth plan is going to look something a little like this:

1. No epidural. Unless I ask for one. Even then, try to encourage me to not have one. Really... don't give me one unless I start to get violent. In that case... shoot me up. 
2. Give birth. This should be a given... but ya never know. 
3. Have cheese enchiladas ready for after the baby's born because momma is gonna be hungry and cheese enchiladas can heal even the sorest of you-know-whats. 

The End.